Musketeer

Naked woman and musketeer, by Pablo Picasso (1967)

 

"I love you". Three-word musketeer. Weaponless.

The Silent Witness

 Self-portrait.  Story inspired by The Yellow Wallpaper by Charlotte Perkins

I

This is the saddest case I’ve witnessed since being glued to the walls of this nursery room. You should see her: a pale cheek boned beauty, resembling Knox, the goddess of the night, trapped in the numbness of self-love starvation. 

Poor woman. Her despair pains my soul, but I’m so weak myself that I nearly can’t say anything. I see her curling up at the break of dawn, and fall into deep sleep while her onyx eyes remain wide open. She seems to be in trance with this wall to which I’m doomed to stay glued on. I too, can’t stop looking at her.

II

In all these years, I’ve seen too much misery and abandonment to be able to make a concise account. I honestly don’t know how I’ve been able to survive the grievances lingering in this room, but this time I’m certain that if I don’t save her, I’ll die with her. That is how much my tired heart wants to live.

I still remember how the playful sunlight would filter through my semi-transparent reddish petals as they swang fragilely with the imaginary wind. But those ghostly sorrows have gradually degraded my joyful wallpaper tints into horrid yellows and devastated poppy meadows. No wonder she believes that I’m monstrous.

III

I see her surrender to her husband’s patronising sweetness. I want to tell her that he’s evil, and in my effort, my patterns choke and make ugly faces. I think she noticed me. I can see her look away to the musty ceiling and tremble with childish apprehension, but I cannot reach her. She’s still too feeble to trust me. I have to wait.

IV

Today was one of those days where the masquerade of her husband made me nauseous again. Just like my case, he wants her to disintegrate bit by bit, by making her believe that nobody, including herself, can save her. What a despicable man.

When he left the room, I saw her helplessly scribble on her secret notebook "he truly loves me". She was crying again.

I tried to scream by cracking loudly and harshly tearing my pieces off the wall so she would notice me. And dear heaven, this time she did.

She observed me with her studious, bone-shaped expression. Her dark hollow gaze carefully followed every convulsing pattern of mine. She stared at me perplexingly until I sank into her drowning eyes. I had to tell her my story. I had to save her.

Eyes tightly shut, I recalled when I was a firm wallpaper sheltering bright Amapolas, which spread under the sun like graceful frescoes over emerald valleys. I fiercely tried to regress to my robust forms and glowing tones while telling her that she was mesmerising, that she deserved better, that I loved her.

My tearful passionate efforts softened and moistened my dying paper. With fervent determination, I crawled and held onto the porous wall until my fading poppies slowly burst out giving birth to blossoming, full-bodied Amapola trees.

With diamond-like tears revealing her bewitching onyx eyes, she timidly smiled and delicately caressed my dancing colours, as I held her hands and invited her in.

Our love story fits a haiku.

 Snetterton, 23rd of July 2011

Shivering sadness.

Summer raindrops on our cheeks,

gently, the sun hides.

Untitled

 

 Somewhere, 24th of July 2011 For original memoir. click here.

Miss him holding me in bed.

Truth

Japanese symbol for Truth

Think love. Think truth. stop. | Feel love. Feel Truth. Stop. Stop there. | Feel any difference?

Dragonflies

 Image source here  (Narancsmag's photostream)

Lived love like dragonflies,

fragile, intense, mystified.

Doing the dishes

I live alone and I love doing the dishes. That's what I’m doing right now. I wonder what my mum would say if she just saw me. Me, the rebellious teenager who used to avoid the sexist chores in our ever-busy Dominican kitchen, now finds this daily task soothing and fascinating.

I feel the softness of the foam and the sponge caress the most inanimate and necessary objects. I’m washing round plates, which are my favourite, because I love to draw hearts and circles, and that is exactly what I’m doing: I’m drawing circles and hearts and circles and hearts and thinking of David, the man I love to cook for.

I rinse the last plates as the hot tap water runs through my hands. I switch to a fresher temperature. Now I'm dreaming of tropical Dominican rain and summer with David as my bachelor kitchen begins to look spotless.

May 2011

To us, to them, to the universe, and specially for you, Diederik.

I came here to listen
to the birds, to the sunny grass,
and those rainy mornings.

I came here to listen
to strangers, to new faces,
to new allies.

I came here to listen
to your noises, to your silences
to our voices.

I came here to listen
to your fears, to our call,
to your passions.

I came here to listen
to your music, to the scratches,
to our harmony.

I came here to listen
to my source, to my fragilities,
to our strength.

I came here to listen
to our tune, to our songs,
to the sorrows of our planet.

I came here to listen
to your movements, to your rythm,
to our beat.

I came here to listen.

No wonder we can all dance again.

An Unexpected Intruder

I arrived at his place 15 minutes earlier than agreed. The table was neatly set but he was still busy in the kitchen. Jokingly he reproached me for being early (“I didn’t expect that from a Latina") and politely offered me a glass of wine.

There is nothing I like more in a man than a strong sense of simple perfection and the natural ability to please with the most surprising little details. I carefully observed his confidence in cooking, his fine taste in arranging the table and the cozy and balanced display of candles. I felt his solid, yet smooth presence in every movement, in every word spoken, in every brief look exchanged. And yes, he was strong, simple, a charmer, a pleaser, and a gentleman; and even though he claimed that his cooking skills were average, I could not see a single flake of flaw in him. I felt fragile, pampered, desired, special and safe. In those fifteen minutes in the kitchen, the irrevocable epiphany of love madly possessed me. I had indeed, without a single doubt, fallen for him. I was in heaven.

At seven fifteen we sat at the dining table. As the charming host he was, he agreeably explored every topic that seemed to be mutually fascinating. With Piazzolla as backdrop music, we ate slowly while he talked about his latest diving assignment and asked about my recent trip to Argentina. He was careful with his choice of words, and elaborated every sentence as if he was preparing himself to say something important. The easiness he had shown in preparing the last details of the food we were about to finish gradually disappeared.

He felt his voice break as he struggled with trying to disguise that in spite of the intimacy he had staged, he was about to announce he needed distance. He felt a lump in his throat and took another sip but the wine felt too bland. Nervously, he poured another glass and drank it in another long, single sip. “I love you” he thought he heard himself say. That voice that seemed to be his had spoken and damn! he couldn’t prevent it. The three fugitive words had escaped before he could handcuff them like he had done in the past three months he had been dating her. “Yes, I love you, and every day I love you more and more and more”. The words kept pouring as he hastily emptied the last bottle. He felt ashamed at his loss of control and tried to correct it by firmly holding his glass and steadily gazing at her. “But I think I'd better find a woman from here, a Dutch woman”. Still staring at her, he lifted his glass and took another long gulp. As if wanting to hide the imminent liquidity of his sad and embarrassed blue eyes, and avoid her puzzled, piercing expression, he lowered his gaze and fell silent as he drew circles around the rim of his empty drink.

Through the Window of Life

The window at a hotel somewhere... dawn or sunset, every beginning has an end, and viceversa.
 

 

Beautiful spring blossoms looking out to...

 

 A second later after my previous pic, surprisingly, the flowers gave birth to an ant...

  

 And this could be us in just a few seconds from now...

You can buy these and put them on your son's gravestone... his name was Daniel, he was only nine years old.

 But I believe there will always be spring to watch over us.

 

 and make us spark, even after we are long gone.

Life and death, ying-yang... halves of a same equation.

 

 

 "Lee, our braveheart". I never met him. He was only nineteen.

 

and Michelle was his girlfriend... (a close-up the heart of the previous picture).

 

  

A lot has been buried, except love.

 

 The spark on the gravestone is the reflection of the sun - I love how it connects to pointing chime, and to the coloured balls and the fairy and the leaves above.  Everything, living or dead, is interconnected.

Another bright spark resulting from the reflecting sun- it seems to reflect on the light of the flowers hanging above while giving light to the pink flowers below. At the back, there are angels and faith everywhere.
 

The sun, above everything!

Any would do

A tender kiss,
a meaningful letter, 
a caring moment,
a long love story.

Any would do,
always.

What's love got to do with us?

What's love got to do with us?  | The desire to be desired, the hunger? | The impatient egoes that get in the way? | Our fabricated insecurities? | Being afraid to speak freshly, lovingly, kindly? | The common failures in our individual stories? | The fear to be in pain again? | The annoying "ifs" that never happened? | The thirst for connection and youthful passion? | The tongue-biting silence that keeps us lying? | The invented excuses to delay togetherness? | The hidden dreams? | The rational focus on sex, the blissful pleasure? | Losing our deceiving freedom, our stubborn claims of not being ready? | What's love got to do with it all, but haunt us? | If we don't surrrender to it, that is.

AMAPOLA (Andrea Bocelli)

Click on the link:

A beautiful song about AMAPOLA

Spring

 

Amapola Blooming, self-portrait

Shedding my old skin,

undressing the past of my eyes,

stripteasing the unknown, 

beckoning better times:

 My love is blossoming!

No wonder

 Eye of time, by Salvador Dalí

My pupils are bursting

with vivid memories,

of sleepless silences

and lavish loud poetry;

with thrilling images

of your eyes in ecstasy,

piercingly mirroring my lust,

carving into mine like hungry knives;

my pupils are bursting,

with flashes of naughty laughter

and graffitis of swearing words

as I ride my love on you,

willingly, rebelliously;

my pupils are bursting,

with haunting memories

of this restless human craving 

and my fearless animal loving.

No wonder I cannot sleep.

Silent Love

I want to baptise my skin

and give it a new name;

a name after my blossoming petals

and your burning fingerprints

as your summer breaks into my spring.

I want to wash my nakedness

and give it a fresh smell;

a smell after your restless breath

and the sea waves of your lips on my lips

as my ecstasy echoes in the wind.

I want to ink my skin

with her new name;

a skin named after our rythmic hips,
our silent whispers,

and a love that simply dances, but dare not speak.

Lovers, by Henri Cartier-Bresson

Untitled

 Smiling Angel Gabriel, in the cathedral of Reims, France (13th century)

Original image source: www.champagne-mante.com/Nouvelle-traduction-The-Cathedral 
(imaged altered with www.photofunia.com)

Oh, how I love the flair

of your gorgeus imperfections

and your unarming, honest smile!

You know?

 Marilyn Manson

You like to mock me
because I rock.

You want to fuck me
because I trust.

You like to taunt me
because I stunt.

You want to taint me
because I glow.

You like to knock me
because I love.

You want to break me
because you lost.

How sad.
You could be happy too,

you know?

Tulips and my silence (visual essay for romantic flower lovers)

 

All photos and self-portraits are made by Amapola Blooming. 

The muscle of my love

 

 Presentimiento, from the series Vanitas by Fernando Vicente 
www.fernandovicente.es

In the kindest embrace

and the saddest letting go,

the muscle of my love

longs for touching you

as it hopes to be touched by yours

and stay strong and flexible.

Through between the rusty bars

of the darkest prison,

the fingers of my love

yearn to caress your cheeks

and reach your hands

even for the faintest instant.

The muscle of my love

awakes and reaches out,

stretching its open arms,

languishing to hold you firmly,

to wrap you gently, to feel you softly

in the feeblest of the nights.

Like a dancer who can’t speak

of the future or of the past,

my love for you moves about;

at times clumsily, at times graciously,

as the muscle of my love sings freedom

at the mere thought of your bare beauty.